Human Agenda

human-agenda

As I read comments on various people’s Facebook posts I have discovered that there is an amazing quantity of people who are locked in the past or worse. I personally take for granted that all people would/should care about things like equal rights for women and minorities, education, the environment, science, etc. But what I have discovered is that people don’t want clean air and water if isn’t poses any inconvenience to them. They also like the objectification of women, they think rape is okay. And women are just crybabies. Suck it up, sit down, shut up. Women don’t deserve equal pay for equal work. They believe education is nothing but brainwashing pushing some maniacal agenda and should be exterminated. Gays and Lesbians (not acknowledging the entire LGTBQ community) should all be hidden in a closet, should never speak, have a job, live a normal life, and they shouldn’t be protected from abuse or discrimination. They believe Black people deserve to die or be in prison, or perhaps shipped back to Africa. Because to them Black lives don’t matter. They believe all Muslims are terrorists and they should all die. They believe that all Latinos are Mexican and Mexicans are inferior and should either be shipped to Mexico or if they are here should have no status higher than housekeeper. They believe that all of them are here illegally. What did I miss? This is not the world that I thought I lived in. If you are Black, Latino, Muslim, LGTBQ I welcome you with open arms. I believe that we need to raise each other up and not tear each other down. I believe that education is a must! I believe that we need to care for our planet! There will be no future if the air and water contain poison! We need science to guide us towards making the right moves. Facebook is full of people who want to somehow shame us and our “liberal agenda”. I thought that treating people nice and taking care of the planet was the human agenda! And it should be the human agenda! Yesterday we physically got out there and showed the world that we are real people and not bots behind a keyboard. We are flesh and blood and our mere survival depends on us being together working on the human agenda!

American Society Has a Short Memory and Likes to be High and Mighty

How do you think life would be if the use of caffeine was demonized the same way that tobacco and other drugs are? And don’t kid yourself it is coming. They have been teaching our kids that caffeine is a drug since my 30 year old was in elementary school. These cultural developments don’t happen quickly, at one time smoking was everywhere. BTW, my 30 year old doesn’t use caffeine.

The point is that the way people are treated if they smoke cigarettes or weed are treated badly in our society, if there was a stigma on caffeine how many people would knuckle under and quit, hide in the shadows to get their fix, or be an outcast in our society. Also, like the saying says “Be careful about the toes that you step on while climbing the ladder of success, because they might be attached to the asses that you’ll have to kiss on the way back down” Right now at this moment I will bet you that there is a coffee drinker, giving a smoker a hard time. If you go back in time there was a smoker that would give a hard time to a pot smoker hard time. At one time everyone gave anyone that drank any alcohol at all a hard time. Because AMericans all like to think that they are better than everyone else.

Okay is Good

I have been sort of preparing for the inevitable. Even if I end up being perfectly fine and live another 30 years death is still the inevitable. I have been sort of divvying things up in my mind what I am leaving which child. This is a lot harder than most people might think. I don’t have a lot of nice things so that makes it tougher because it is difficult to try and make things even.  I am going to leave all of my clothes to my oldest daughter because she is closer to my size and I’m sure that she can find things that she likes in there, the rest to charity after she picks through. The china that I have is part my grandma’s and part my great grandmother’s. So I guess each of the girls get some. But thing like record albums, my middle boy wants them, but my youngest daughter will want some too. Trying to figure out who gets what will be tricky. But what the hell do I leave the younger boys? A particular Christmas ornament? I don’t even have a clue. Or for that matter my oldest son, I don’t know what to give him. I think that one day soon I should get my oldest daughter to come over when no one else is around and go through things with her and see what she thinks. It would be good for someone to know what to do with things.

Things are just things and I don’t know if I should start giving it all away now or wait. I really don’t know if I’m well or not. Maybe I will be just fine. I don’t know. I’m going through this time trying to figure things out by myself. I guess I really don’t want to tell anyone because how silly would it be if I told people that I might be sick when I really don’t yet? I’m really just trying to prepare myself for any and all possibilities. In’t that what we are supposed to do? I think I need to figure out a way to get some life insurance. I really don’t want to leave nothing I got nothing when I lost my parents, somehow that seems wrong to me. Of course I have a lot more children and I have basically no money.

Just keep saying it will all be okay and it will! Part of me totally believes that, but part of me makes me really wonders if it’s true. Okay is good and it will be okay 🙂

Maybe, Maybe Not!

Well, my dear, dear blogosphere, I am coming here to you because this is more than likely a safe place that no one will ever come. No one will ever read this post unless I die, then maybe I will leave some instructions for my kids to read this. Hopefully this is all some crazy kind of false alarm that has me four inches away from having a nervous breakdown. I am trying to deal with what I am feeling on my own instead of saying something just in case nothing is really wrong. And honestly I am really hoping that in fact nothing really is wrong.

So just in case someone comes along and finds this, I suppose that I should explain. I have blood in my urine, I don’t have any real pain, not like I should if I have a kidney stone anyway. I have a little soreness, no biggy. I went to the doctor expecting her to tell me that I had some really big UT infection and take some antibiotics and then go about my life the way I should, knowing that here is nothing wrong with me. However, the initial tests did not yield any infection. The doctor gave me medication for my blood pressure and told me that could possibly be causing the blood in my urine.

She told me that I needed to come back in thirty days to get rechecked for blood in my urine. She said that if there is any, I will need to see a urologist because it could be cancer. NICE! Right? So she sent me home with that thought and the fact that I have no insurance and can’t begin to think how I would pay for a specialist. She called me back a couple of hours later and told me that when they “spun down” my urine they found white cells. Which of course white cells could mean that they are there because they already fought and killed the infection, or I remember some movie where the white cells was an indicator of some kind of cancer that the main character had. I don’t remember the movie at all except for that. So my mind started running 300 miles an hour with “what ifs?”. The doctor gave me a prescription for antibiotics at that point. I finished my prescription, and I still have blood in my urine.

I think that the fact that I am always tired makes me a little more nervous than it probably should. But I just feel wiped out and can’t ever seem to feel rested no matter what I do. I just want to lay down, and sleep all day, and all night, and all day again.

So I am tripping a little. I have decided that I need to work on coming to terms with whatever may possibly lie ahead. I don’t want it to be a shock and I don’t want to be caught unprepared. So I am very quietly dealing with the fact that I might not be here long. I’m not trying to think the worst and be all doom and gloom, but at the same time I need to make sure that everything will be okay and that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. Even if it means that everything is okay. I need to feel okay about things. I am trying to take every moment and savor the tiniest little happy moments.

You see there is a little bit more that I haven’t mentioned yet here. When I had my last pap test I told my doctor that I have some pain with sex and while I would love to write it off as menopause, I just really don’t know. You see my dear friend Amanda, who was much younger than I died nearly four years ago from cancer. She was having pain in those areas and she finally decided to go to the emergency room for the pain (she also had no insurance either). She posted on facebook that she was at the hospital because she was just tired of the pain. She was diagnosed with cancer that night and died four days later. So yeah, I’m a little worried. I hope that everything is okay, and I’ll be just fine, but the truth is that I just don’t know and I wish that I knew. And I wish that I had a way to pay for whatever treatments could be potentially warranted for whatever type of condition that I could possibly have or not.

So for now I am going to try and live my life the best possible way that I can and try to be more charitable, and go out of my way to be more kind to people, I have a facebook community page with more than 200,000 likes on it I am going to try and post as much positive stuff as possible, I am going to try and make a random person’s day every chance I get, to give my kids a lot more hugs, and spend more quality time with them, you know, just in case. Because even if I’m totally fine, it doesn’t mean that a random accident might not happen or something.

Do good things! Be good to people! Love the people around you! Love yourself!!!

Won’t Give Up!

You know, I have come to a place in my life that I am happy with the person I have become on the inside. I don’t need to try and be anyone but me. It’s been a long hard road to get here. It’s been a lifetime road self-doubt, never feeling good enough for anyone or anything! Always scared of making mistakes, people not liking me, not being smart enough, or pretty enough. Well dammit, on the inside I am a really good person, I care about people, I would and have given someone my last dollar. I’ve tried to help everyone that I can, to be a good friend, to take time to tell people that I love them and/or appreciate them. Yet, somehow there are still some people that can immediately make me feel inadequate, like I’m too dumb to matter. But you know in the long run, I’m okay, I’ll be okay. Sometimes life specifically tries to knock me down, or pull the rug out from under me when I finally feel like things are good. But I’m tough, I’ve taken lot of falls and I always get back up, granted sometimes it takes me awhile and I might not come out a “winner”, but I do come out a survivor!!! I am strong, stronger than those who try to knock me down, and I will get back up, and I will succeed, because even though I feel like giving up sometimes I won’t ever give up! And THAT you can count on!feeling determined.

The best fricken lemon cookies ever!!!

lemon cookiesThe best fricken lemon cookies ever!!!
Originally posted to my facebook on July 23, 2010 at 12:34am

I made this recipe up, fortunately I wrote down what I did as I went. I always make up recipes and rarely write them down.
Country time lemonade drink mix out of the jar, measure to the mark for making 1 qt.
2 2/3 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup powdered sugar
2/3 cup sugar

Mix all the dry ingredients thoroughly, then add
1 1/3 cup shortening

In a separate bowl
grate the peel from one lemon
and squeeze the juice from one lemon
watch to make sure you don’t get any seeds in there.
Add to dry ingredients
Then add 1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
Mix it all up.
Roll it into balls, then roll them in some powdered sugar and smash them down with a spoon.
Bake about 10 minutes at 350.
And yes I already have a variation. Some of the cookies I made, I put a 1/2 of a maraschino cherry on top.
Makes 5-6 doz cookies 🙂